I was known as one of the happier folk for most of my life. Someone that was relied upon for a good time and especially a positive outlook on life. It’s known that when we get older, we change. I personally, went through a lot of changes that happened around the same time. And because I wasn’t prepared or able to cope with my situation, I became severely depressed, angry and very focused on my own emotions.
I used to be a very ‘go with the flow’ type of person, but by this point I was very over analytical and defensive. I would have a strong desire to hurt myself in violent and dramatic ways. Such as wanting to ram my vehicle into a wall at full speed, or jumping off of a ledge. I went to counseling and all of this would just not stop. All of this, the mentality, my actions and thought process was affecting everyone around me... my fiance, my friends, and my family.
At one point, I truly hit my all time low. I had lost my job, was going to get married in 7 months and was teetering at the edge of my willingness to live. I felt like I had nothing left, but my wife stayed by my side every day during my 4 year bout with all of this… At a point where I felt hopeless, had nothing left to give… My wife reached out to me for support with her own struggles that needed serious attention. And almost immediately I was starting to feel emotional relief. After a few months we got married and I truly was doing so much better. Later on I realized that the key to getting out of that black hole had nothing to do with me at all. It was that I started focusing on others and less on myself…
If you keep worrying about how YOU feel bad… YOU won’t move on. Now don’t get me wrong, I am not all of a sudden fixed and my life is great…But things are better. And actually I still struggle with depression, but I don’t let myself get that low cause I saw that my life is about those around me and that when others see the good in you, you will start to see it too.