Shelby's Mom

He Knew better?  That was my first remark. But did he? Society doesn't let us talk about it.It’s been 5 years since my son committed suicide. He left a note saying I'm sorry. I love You.  Did he realize the consequences he left behind.   It's been very exhausting but I  would like to share what has been helpful in coping with my grief.---Writing a journal. This was like talking to myself.  It helped get things “off my chest”.If I only had a minute to talk to him beforehand.  At that moment in his mind did “the little devil on one shoulder overcome the little angel sitting on his other shoulder? " He was a good listener. He was tenderhearted and a friend to all. Why was no one there to help him? He must have shut everyone out. Why did he feel this way? Was he overwhelmed?   Those of us left behind were definitely overwhelmed.  We had so many questions.  What did we miss? What could we have done?  Did we do something wrong? Why did he do this?

---Sharing with his friends.  Many of his friends attended his funeral.  They had not seen it coming either. My husband and I let his close friends share in moving his things back home. It was a sad day but we all worked together and had some laughs remembering my son’s silliness.
We have kept in touch with his friends. It helps to know life can go on. I pray that their grief is easing as time goes by.
---Sharing with my family and friends.  Several people came to the funeral to share that their son or daughter had died by suicide. I had not known.  Two of my close friends had lost a family member to suicide also. In a way this made me even sadder. Shouldn’t we be able to talk about Suicide at other times?
Those 2 close friends understood me.  They kept me busy. They brought me shopping, to movies, to church. If I was busy I would have my mind off my grief, right? One even brought me on a New Orleans Cemetery tour! (The dead are still remembered and cared for.)  I have to thank them for trying.  Oddly they remember the Anniversary of his death. They are not afraid to mention him. They help me keep his memory alive.
My husband and I speak of him like he’s just gone for a visit. We comfort each other when special memories pop up. Holidays are tough but we surround ourselves with nieces and nephews and their new children. He would have loved all of them.

---Listen to KLOVE radio.  This has encouraged me with songs of faith and reality.  Some songs  have made me cry to hear. How one artist tells a story about asking God to give him strength and saving his life. The music comforts me. And sometimes I hear my son in the songs. He was a special person, a sweet generous friend.

Several young men have committed suicide since that day. Several actors have too. It’s ashame that nothing can be done to remedy this type of death.  Society still doesn’t accept it.
Therefore, if you know someone out there who has experienced a loss to suicide, please comfort and listen. Remember their loved one as a person not a statistic.Last of all.  You never know what is going on in one’s life.  Everyone is special and deserves to be listened to.  Also, give them a chance to talk!!   Just one minute could save a life.